It's hard to give up authority, especially if you care at all about what you have authority over.
So, when I gave up my Watch . . . oh that couldn't have been more than six months or so ago, I thought it would be easy. I mean, I've been offered the position twice in my life, and I'd been doing it for years. I hadn't had really any activity in a year, and what I did have was hindered by my position, not the other way around.
I mean, I remember where I was when I decided, walking home along Lead and just thinking to myself and saying that if I really wanted too, it would probably be there if I wanted it, or maybe I could take another position in Miami when I move there.
Now I miss it a lot.
Which means, first off, that I'm not really qualified any more. Having the position means taking the long view, and crap if I don't really want it for personal reasons. I mean, just the title's great. You introduce yourself, and people think he's an important person
. Then, there are the direct and side benefits. I mean, I can't seem to find parking anywhere now, compared to when I was working and things would be available
Okay, that's a gross overgeneralization because of course you can't always find great parking. It just doesn't work like that.
So, getting back the qualification. I was sitting there, thinking to myself, It would be really nice to pick up my old position. I'm bored, and I know that stuff is happening. I bet whoever is in my position now is having fun.
So it hit me then. Not only is the position filled, they don't even want me. I've developed a personal interest in it. No more objectivity, and no more expense account for me.
But if it were offered to me again (impossible as that is). I'd take it in a moment, because not having the job made me understand a little bit more about how important Authority is.
And how important the ability to write your own schedule is.
Labels: fantasy, rants