Looking back, the day I went to college, the house one door down was on fire.
I've always wondered what it is that makes me more outgoing when I'm leaving. I've attributed it to the unconscious knowledge that I'm not responsible for my actions to others. I can take risks when I normally wouldn't. And I think that's true. After all, the only anonymous sexual encounter that I've ever had was two days before I left Miami.
But there are things that aren't last minute that I hate to loose. Jeff's been playing with me for years, but it's harder and harder to get together with him. Khalid just disappeared between one day and the next. Michael was a dream come true as far as players go, and Alex was promising. (Yes, I'm talking about all of you, and I know at least some of you are listening.)
So I know that all good RPG's must end some time, but these guys (mainly Jeff now) started in Planescapes, moved on to Taliesin, then got bandied around a couple of intermediate games (I still can't believe I lost my arm in Mutant Chronicles), and then moved into Endless Light.
The website is almost up and running, but I'm not going to advertise it myself. I know where to start, but the maintenance is my prerogative. Most of the information is up, and it's sitting there. I don't know if it's worth it yet. I can't get the feedback that I get in a real game, the validation.
Steph apologizes for distracting Mike, but that's not really the big issue. It's that I'm distracted and distant. I'm an hour away, and my hours change from week to week. I'm getting desperate, I suppose. The games aren't just games, they're six intensive hours of game play and combat amongst fictional characters while we the players bond.
What did happen to Khalid? The motel is still there, and he's the one that answered the phone. I broke my promise when I let/made him GM the Star Wars game, and I'm sorry. So, so sorry. I miss you, dude. (In a platonic way. I'm rarely that attracted to gamers . . . with the notable exception of Vin Diesel.)
So I'm left with the thought of the move . . . was it really good moving away? I think, and not for the first time, I've been hurt pretty badly by moving. I'm loosing friends, and I'm desperate enough that I'm willing to shunt my contact with them into the online realm to try to remain in contact.
So here I am, sitting, wondering if this experiment is going to work. It could build into a good community, maybe if I could get Mike or Jeff to advertise at UNM Gamers . . . but will it be enough?
Or will I succeed at moving away from everything behind me again?