Worlds & Time

Monday, July 30, 2007

Looking Back

Ah, so a while ago I realized that I'm suddenly uncomfortable posting details about my sex life on this blog. Maybe it's the first hint of realization that people actually read this blog, or perhaps it was the Beaners making fun of me over on their blog.

Well screw that. I'll talk about what I want to talk about.

So, yeah, I had sex with Pablo. Probably too soon, so he pulled away and that's why we broke up. I'm starting to realize why people "take it slow," because that gives them a fairly good excuse to break it off with someone that they've slept with too soon.

I don't really like that explanation. It's dishonest almost to the point of stupidity. It's almost like someone has to prove that they aren't an adult before they'll be considered worthy of a long term relationship.

Right, so he ended up pulling away, and I was sort of ticked. I could have "taken a break" or something, but the fact that we didn't really talk about it ticked me off. Every time I saw him I . . . er . . . got worked up, and then nothing would happen.

I've mentioned this to a couple of people, but he broke up with me at Gay Pride which sucked. S. said that it was like breaking up with someone at prom, which I agree with, but I was about to deliver an ultimatum as well. Either he had to have a sex with me, or I was going to drop him. So he dropped me first, but it wasn't like I wasn't already mentally preparing for it.

And, er, yeah. I would have cheated on him. Either sooner or later. He just wasn't a physical person, and I haven't lived through my "slut phase" (as Thomas so quaintly put it) yet. I need a physical relationship, if I'm going to be in a relationship right now.

I really need more practice at this whole sex thing, and especially in the long term. Of course, I'm already 25. It feels like I'm already out of time to be learning new things. I'm worried that people are going to just expect me to know things that I have no way of knowing.

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