Jobs

Sometimes, it feels really good to be good at your job.

I went in to start training in Accounting this morning. It's something that I've wanted to do for a long, long time. Tonight, I have to work my normal shift.

But when I was there this morning, I was right where I wanted to be, and when I had a break from training, I would go set up the New Year's Eve package. This year, for the first time, it's my baby, and I really, really want it to go well.

But it sucks because even though I love my job, I don't have any time for my friends. More on that later, probably.

Random

So, I'm graduating from college . . . BA in Creative Writing: Fiction

How do I feel about that? Like I accidentally walked through the wrong door and found myself on stage at the Oscars. At least I'm graduating with a friend. I'd thought the posibility of that was pretty much over when I left UofR.

Speaking of which, I just ran across an old friend of mine from New York on FARK. He's doing well, it looks like. The girl that he's living with, Jen, is in one of the pictures that I have up here at MySpace. His screen name is "CeeJayOz." I can't for the life of me remember what the "Oz" stands for. He wasn't from Australia, was he?

Adiya, Angel4Truth, Kgreg and Christian Centurian are all ticking me off. You'd think that if they weren't gay, they wouldn't care about gay people. Instead, they spend all of their time spewing bile all over the internet. Thank (his) God for Outlaw.

Not much happening, really. Getting ready to walk. Let's go Reagan.

A Naming

Just looking back over some of the pages at a website that I post at and moderate, I was thinking about my own name. I don't give it out almost ever, although the moderators there and a few select people either know it or can find it out. Online I don't respond to it at all, and even if people were to find it (and there are a few tricks for that), it wouldn't be who I was.

I don't think anyone online who knows me knows my last name, but it's probably possible to find that sort of thing out, I just don't know how.

In real life, I go by my legal name, or at least the abbreviation of it.

Still, that isn't really my name in the fullest extent of the word. What I call myself is something else again, something that has occasionally made rounds as my password because I simply don't share it with anyone.

Who I am is not really related to the name. For here, it's what you associate with "Spherical Time" that's important to me, not the name itself. I may be crazy, loud, and occasionally contradictory, and that's who I am. That means more to me that the name does.

So, what do I like to be called? I like to be called by my friends . . . of course.

That probably doesn't make any sense, especially with the humorous twist, but I like being called Ben by my friends, and I dislike being called Ben by people that don't know me or aren't my friends. There's a guy on another website that I frequent that troll because he thought homosexuality was a sin and that telling people that they're going to hell was a productive use of his time and he would say "Hi *insert screen name here*" at the beginning of every post and "Peace" at the end. He used to drive me nuts, and I couldn't explain why for a long time.

Eventually, I figured out that it was because his use of my name in that context presumed a level of familiarity beyond what we actually shared. I thought that it was rude to make assumptions about the status of your relationship with other people, and I still do.

Graduation

Yeah, bloody ay, I'll go to graduation.

Catcher in the Rye

I just finished Catcher in the Rye. I never had to read it in high school. That may or may not have been a good thing.

A few thoughts:

Buddhism seems so much clearer to me. That whole "no self" thing makes so much more sense.

I knew a woman once, let's call her "Jo." Jo was a meth head that had a lobodomy after she overdosed once, and she was missing her superego. Her self control was just gone. There was no way that she prevent herself from saying something that she was thinking. There was no way that she could deny herself something that she wanted.

Jo reminds me of the way that Catcher in the Rye is written.

If I knew Holden Caufield, say in the first chapters when he's at school, I'd probably take a bat to him. Well, maybe not a bat, but I'd probably pound him as hard as I could. Neither of us is in great shape, so it's not like I'd be taking on a football player. I think it'd probably be good for both of us.

Finishing up

So, I have a crapload of work to do, and I'm not doing it.

But if I finish it, then I'm done with college. I'll have a degree of some kind. I think.

Do I want to walk for graduation? I haven't decided yet.

Authority

It's hard to give up authority, especially if you care at all about what you have authority over.

So, when I gave up my Watch . . . oh that couldn't have been more than six months or so ago, I thought it would be easy. I mean, I've been offered the position twice in my life, and I'd been doing it for years. I hadn't had really any activity in a year, and what I did have was hindered by my position, not the other way around.

I mean, I remember where I was when I decided, walking home along Lead and just thinking to myself and saying that if I really wanted too, it would probably be there if I wanted it, or maybe I could take another position in Miami when I move there.

Now I miss it a lot.

Which means, first off, that I'm not really qualified any more. Having the position means taking the long view, and crap if I don't really want it for personal reasons. I mean, just the title's great. You introduce yourself, and people think he's an important person. Then, there are the direct and side benefits. I mean, I can't seem to find parking anywhere now, compared to when I was working and things would be available.

Okay, that's a gross overgeneralization because of course you can't always find great parking. It just doesn't work like that.

So, getting back the qualification. I was sitting there, thinking to myself, It would be really nice to pick up my old position. I'm bored, and I know that stuff is happening. I bet whoever is in my position now is having fun. So it hit me then. Not only is the position filled, they don't even want me. I've developed a personal interest in it. No more objectivity, and no more expense account for me.

But if it were offered to me again (impossible as that is). I'd take it in a moment, because not having the job made me understand a little bit more about how important Authority is.

And how important the ability to write your own schedule is.

Aeon Flux

Heh, someone found tickets to the advance screening of Aeon Flux, and all she wanted in return was a ride.

I mean, crap she wanted the ride before her bike was stolen.

So, I mean, I feel horrible, cause that's a sucky thing to lose around here, but then again, I'm getting to see the movie for free the night before it opens.

Do I think I'll like it? Don't know yet. Would probably more if I was straight and all that, Charlize Theron, don't you know. Bit that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the idea, or the thought behind the movie, so I'm hoping that there is an idea, and there is thought behind the movie.

Incidentally, when is Brokeback mountain coming out? Never, as far I can tell. Stupid pre-release dates, but at least if I needed to I could go to Santa Fe, where they actually show good movies once and a while . . . it's where they showed Donnie Darko in NM for the first time, after all.

So will I come back and tell you all how much I liked the movie? Probably not. You'll have to make up your own minds.

Charlize

OMG CHARLIZE THERON IS HOT . . .

But then again, Jonny Lee Miller is massively hot too, in a geeky, evil, ex-Hacker sort of way.

She says I should see Dracula 2000, for the hotness, that is.