The Problem With Publishing

So, I decided to check in at Making Light, the Nielsen Hayden blog I mentioned a few months back. I noticed that their link for Steven Brust (my current favorite writer) went to his Live Journal that I didn't notice when I was researching for my interview with him (I can't believe I missed it).

I skipped back, and he actually mentioned my interview with him, but right near it was this post, in which someone mentioned this post back at Making Light which had a link here.

All of this has to do with not giving up and not taking it personally. That's great advice, and if I could see through my tears, I'm sure I'd be totally psyched to try again.

I don't get it. Really the only thing that keeps me alive is my writing. So why haven't I finished my book since I broke my neck? Why does submitting drive me to such irrational pain. I understand that it wasn't personal. I know that I have trouble with the tease and beginning.

I also know that I have a fairly compelling story that could play fairly well off of a recent upsurge in character driven science fiction.

Yet, here I am. Absolutely crushed by the utter hopelessness of ever getting published. Why should I even bother?

And, can I bother? Can I force myself to actually even try to achieve my dream? I want to try, but with severe depression that isn't enough. I have the Writer's Market, and I've marked all the publishers and agents that accept sci-fi. I just can't put a stamp on the postage.

My neck, my teeth, and my stomach are killing me. I'm going to bed.