Physically

Slightly stronger than usual language warning. No family members, please.

What do I like?

I do have a thing for blondes. Not the white blonde, but the sandy blonde that’s closer to light brown than to yellow.

I’ve never liked long hair either. Even if it’s over the ears, that’s too long for me. Someone once said told me that they like long hair on guys because it gives them something to grab onto during sex. What? If you’re planning to pull on my hair while we’re fucking, you’re crazy.

Fabio became super famous selling romance novel covers. I’ve never seen the attraction, personally. The hair is long, limp, and much too feminine. I once told Elliot that I was gay because I prefer men, not because I prefer women with penises.

I am attracted to muscles though. I’ve always wanted to be in shape, but I can’t just do it. So, when I look at someone that looks like they stepped out of a Calvin Klein ad (and got a haircut) I respect the part of them that is significantly better than I am.

Body builder big is usually too big for me though. There are always extremes that turn me off, but John Cena is still hot, and that’s about as far as it goes. Arnold Schwarzenegger is his glory days was disturbing, not attractive.

Everyone is self-centric. We all are, to some extent. It makes us human. One of the principles of feminism, racial tolerance and even gay rights is that we should recognize when people are assuming that they represent anything.

Someone (straight) once told me that hey, he didn’t mind if I liked guys, but that everyone pretty much acknowledged that womens’ bodies are more aesthetically pleasing than mens’. What? I don’t agree at all.

Starting with the perfect legs, strong and curved along back to create this statuesque limb, up to the dimpled ass. The lines around a six pack are absolutely unmatchable on a female, especially the V running over the hips on a very athletic man. Then there’s the back. Curls of muscle running taunt under flawless skin creating an incomparable canvas.

Some gay guys like a woman’s breasts. I don’t. They’re sacks of flesh to me, and I think they’re about as attractive as rolls of fat. On the other side, men with muscled chests have the most amazing block of pectorals. The curves there are solid and strong, not bouncy, and I have no idea why straight guys don’t see it the way I do.

Obviously, from the comment about Cena earlier, I like broad necks, especially if you can see the clean lines that connect to the shoulders. No Cardassians allowed.

There are certain faces that I like, and some that I don’t like. Strong chins, great brows, and phenomenal skin are all great, but there isn’t a magic formula on faces for me. It’s rarely a deal breaker, or the clincher.

Altogether, when a guy moves, it flows like a perfect flowing line along a blank canvas. It’s a practiced and pitch-perfect sonata. When Michael Phelps swims, that’s poetry. When Jake from college jogged outside my building, that’s a Picasso.

I was going to point to a specific person that I really think is perfect . . . but I actually can’t think of one. Maybe Jeremy Penn the porn star five years ago. Mason Wyler four years older than he is now. Dan Wells, if he was my age. They’re about as close to physical perfection as I can think of, but there are different kinds of perfection.

Yes, I realize that all this makes me shallow. Haven’t you realized that by now?