Worlds & Time

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Fear of Death, and Lack Thereof

So, I have a reason to live, so don't go reporting me. I'll live for a while yet.

But I'm getting more and more comfortable with death. It's odd, I must be depressed, but I don't feel that at all. What I feel instead is this silence. There's a view of hell that is being all alone in the dark, and I have to say, that's one of the concepts that I've agreed with over the years.

But there's also a hope in the quiet. Nirvana is a place where you reach detachment, where you can want nothing and therefore be hurt by nothing. Americans really can't reach that, with our focus on materialism, and so our hell is empty.

But it's really enforced Nirvana. There's no one to interact with. No one to be hurt by and nothing that you need to want. So if death is being alone, then there's a certain amount of hope for the Buddhist in me. It's a strange comfort, which in an of itself is something that I'm not entirely comfortable with, but then again, when have I been comfortable?

So I'm looking forward to it. Not right away, but someday in the future. When I've completed what I want to in the mean time.

I know it's scary sounding. It sounds fatalistic, and maybe it is, but by good it gives me hope and I don't really have that in any other fashion. And anyway, things change. The world is impermanence, so it's not like I'll think this way forever.

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