Worlds & Time

Monday, October 02, 2006

Hunter or Hunted

So, the first psuedo relationship that I had, aparently I was overwhelming the guy that I was psuedo-seeing. I wanted to hang out with him, I wanted to know how he lived, I wanted to spend time with his friends.

Within about a month of our first date, we fought over me spending too much time with him twice, and then we psuedo-broke up from our psuedo-relationship.

So, then with my second relationship, I tried to stand off and not spend all of my time with the guy, but then he was upset and told me that I didn't want to be seeing him. Which wasn't true at the time, but about an hour later, when I called his phone and he had one of his friends blow me off, that's about when I started not wanting to see him any more.

Which brings me to this week's duality, whether to be hunter or the hunted.

I would much rather be hunted. Even if I say no, I would like to know that someone out there is paying attention to me. It's nice to feel wanted.

Except, what pursues me when I'm hunted is . . . always the same. Bad lines, nothing to back them up. I don't care about intelligence necessarily, because I bring enough of that to the table for both of us.

But dedication is something that I find amazing, and the dedication to take care of one's self is the sexiest thing, because I don't have it.

So, yes. I'm shallow. I care about the way guys look.

Neither of the guys that I mentioned above were gym bunnies. They were just normal guys, and I'm okay with that. But if you ask me what I like, I'm going to point to the jocks. That is what I like.

Someone once said that our tastes are influenced by our aculturation, and those sort of people would probably just sneer and say that:

1) I'm shallow, which I've already admitted to.

2) I've been influenced by Falcon and Jet Set and Bel Ami.

Which I may have been, but regardless of whether I've been influenced by the porn I watch, I like jocks. Argue with me all you want, but I like jocks, and you're not going to change my mind.

All of this talk about porn has a point. I act nearly predatory toward those kinds of guys, but really, it's just a sort of counterpoint to the way that straight guys act toward women. I don't actually chase them. My lack of sexual experience, and lack thereof, testifies to that.

Anyway, that's all beside the point. I like to be chased. I like being approached. That's what I'm down to now: You tell me. I'll be happy to spend all of my time with you, or not, but you have to actually tell me now, because aparently I can't read the clues.

Just so you know.

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