Worlds & Time

Monday, September 18, 2006

Marriage

I'm pro-marriage.

Not just gay marriage, either. I'm pro-hetero marriage too.

About a year ago, a peripheral friend of mine got married (hetero marriage). She was about three years younger than me at the time, and I suddenly realized that for the first time in my life, I didn't get the "spidey sense" tingle that I usually get when people get married during her wedding.

I think I cried. I might not have.

I haven't kept in touch with her, which is a crying shame, because I really, really want to know how their marriage is doing.

Eliott's (hetero) wedding is coming up in January, and I don't get a warning from that either. But then again, Eliott's know this girl for longer than he's known me, and I trust him to make the right decision. Which is odd, because I could see that he was having problems with his on/off girlfriend of more than a year.

There are a lot of people that I think do really well in marriage. But the only one that I can think of that happened when the participants were between 18 and 24 that I think is worth anything was Debbie's (the one I talked about first). So now I'm curious to know if I have any sort of sense for these things.

Here's one problem. Two friends of mine moved in together, and it totally blew up in their faces, and it's freaking mindless. I'm ticked about it, because gosh darn it, it involved me. I couldn't say anything though, even though I knew it was a bad idea at the time. If you want something, I've seen people make it happen, but this wasn't one of those times.

And later, I would learn exactly how right I was.

All of the above stuff was pretty specific, so here's some vague musings on the rest of it.

If you're in college, you're too young to get married. You can date, but wait 'till after graduation to marry. Or one of you should leave college when you get married. College is a big deal. Marriage is a big deal. Eventually, something's going to come up to make someone choose between their marriage, and their school. If both people are is school, that'll put them on mutually exclusive paths.

If your husband/wife is surrounded by beautiful people of the sex that he or she is interested in, you can choose to understand what's going on, or fight against it. Granted, I think that either way, you're going to loose.

Marriage isn't a now thing. Six months isn't enough time. Come back three years from now. If you're still dating, I'll send away for an internet minister certificate and marry you myself. The number of people that are "different" and have "special" relationships that will last is vanishingly small. You might be ready, but what about your partner? This is a two person deal, you know.

I'm not ready for marriage. I know that no matter what, it's going to be a few years. I simply don't have the experience with relationships that I need to have. Someday, I hope that will change, but don't have any illusions, that change isn't going to come over night.

So, yes, I'm pro marriage, but there are a lot of marriages that I'm against. Brittney and Cletus, for example, is not a marriage, it's a game show. The children they've had pretty much proved that. Tomkat is . . . well, something. Something not good.

"Love" is not rational enough to make a decision about marriage, which, oddly, is why I think the state should be involved. Otherwise, the idea that this is some sort of contract with real consequences might not strike people.

I guess this has turned into a rant. I remember Thomas and Dustin though, and I never, ever want people to be in the middle of that, especially if I'm one of the people. T & D was quite painful to watch, and probably heart rending to be a part of.

And here's the end of the rant, a quip:

Marriage doesn't solve things. It really all is about communication.

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