Worlds & Time

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Stiletto's Suicide

It's odd. When I found out that Stiletto One committed suicide, I mailed A. on Myspace fishing for a response.

I found out around fivish, and I'm just now crying.

Obviously, somewhere in my head, I'm really fucked up by this because I'm not thinking straight.

I knew Stiletto mostly from the photo gallery thread at IIDB. I got involved with that when I was briefly a mod of The Lounge, and I've been going back ever since.

Stiletto was a cheerful guy. He liked to take pictures of himself, and so he was one of the few people at IIDB that I recognized by sight. He was a young Chinese kid who liked guns, swing and ballroom dancing. I was jealous of him because of the ballroom dancing thing, actually.

He always seemed happy in the pictures. In fact, none of the site staff had any idea that he was depressed. Even now, it seems impossible that he would be upset about anything. The one thing about him was that you couldn't get under his skin no matter what.

I've been watching the threads for hours now, and I think I've basically pieced together what happened. (See here.)

Yesterday, his roommate found a will. That was worrying so they started to look for him. They called around to places where they thought he might be. He'd just got a new handgun, so they called a shooting range but they didn't know where he was . . . or where his new pistol was.

He'd never seen the beach before. He and his best friend would talk about how sometime they should drive out and watch the sun rise over the ocean. He mentioned this to his roommate before he disappeared.

The girl that he was sort of seeing got in her car and drove out toward the nearest beach. She didn't know where he was, but she figured that she'd at least try the closest and most accessible beach.

While she was on her way, the beach patrol found Stiletto in his car overlooking the water. He'd shot himself in the head.

Stiletto One (or Stiletto Null)'s real name was Frank Chen, and he died yesterday on Carolina Beach, North Carolina. He was 21 years old.

I may have only have known you through some pictures and words exchanged on a message board, but I'm going to miss you Frank. It's bizarre thinking that there won't be any more random posts from you in the Lounge or black and white glamour pictures of you looking handsome or serious in the photo gallery.

Every time I see the "Magic Brownies?" option in a poll, I'm going to think of Stiletto.

I don't believe in an afterlife. I believe that this is the life that we have and I don't think we go on to a better place. Stiletto is gone. However, he's going to be missed by me and a lot of other people who didn't know how much he was hurting.

My condolences to his family and friends.

You need to be a member to see the IIDB threads, but if you're a member, you can click here for the notice of his death and here for the photo thread.

Update, Feb 13, 11 am. There's an article in his school paper, here.

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